Dare to Listen

Graciela and her friend, Noah, have been asked to do a practice run of their upcoming presentation at the  Innovations in Education conference for a group of people. Most of the people attending this “dry run” do not know her or her story. So, she prepared an introduction that she wanted to post here. 

Without the support of my mom I would not be standing here in front of you making this presentation. When the doctors first told my mom I was autistic it was massively hard on her. She spent many hours reading books about autism. What got her most interested in the early years was the best way I could reach my fullest potential. It was amazing love that helped her do all that she did for me. She made my life her work. I poured a lot of love into her and learned what love really is.

Problems speaking made my childhood isolated. I have many great memories of being together with friends, but it really was almost impossible to make my strong love be known to them. I wanted to make my many thoughts be loud and clear, but my words would not come out. What was hardest was having to try to make myself feel better when the other kids played together and left me out. When I was learning RPM I made myself promise that I would see my old friends and talk to them. I was able to do this. This was probably the most memorable thing they have experienced!

Problems with having my body cooperate with my brain have caused me so much pain. I want to explain my body and brain disconnect in detail for you because this is the most misunderstood part of me. Without personally experiencing this disconnect, it can be hard to understand.

I have become like the wise person that says one thing and does another but the difference is that I have no control. Would it be hard for you to have your body do its own thing all of the time? I work on controlling my body every minute of the day, but doing this just leads to more frustration because it is like trying to bring an army of misfits under control and makes me so tired. My body is a really terrible measure of my intelligence, but most people get stuck thinking that I probably dont know any better because im intellectually disabled. This is so far from the truth!

I have the most intelligent mind. I really am the most intelligent person that I know! With little access to real education I have managed to work out some difficult mathematical theories in my mind. Working on these was how I learned to handle large numbers in my mind. People look at the surface and make many wrong assumptions.

The most important thing that I would like to stress is that I want and deserve access to the same things as you. I want the education I deserve. I want to be a legitimate member of my community. I want to have great relationships. I want to be able to go places. I want to make the most of my life. I want to make a name for myself.

I try to speak (or spell) from the truths I know. What my experience is might be different from others, but I do believe that all have the desire to be understood. I hope that this helps create more understanding.

I want to talk to the teachers in the world. Many activities have the potential for being amazing. I want to share my amazing experience with math circle because it was a great example of how academics can be made more successful for people like me.

Given the chance to work in a group that has many things in common was awesome. Cannot make it clear enough how awesome this was for me. Prior to this I have never felt included by my neurotypical peers. Getting this feeling of acceptance is wonderful. I want to be in groups like this all of the time. Being included and really accepted is a great feeling for anyone, but especially for me because I am constantly excluded.

 

All of these days since the bad days at my old school have been challenging.

It was awesome to be in the school. However, I did not have the support I need.

Autistics are massively tuned in to many sensations and can get a lot of information from their environment and from feeling how amazing or awful the energy is in the environment.

At my old school the environment during the school days was not great for my body because it seemed tense and felt controlling.

I wanted amazing and beautiful things to happen there, but it made me sad to be in a place that did not know how to support me. It is awful to feel alone in the world, especially without being able to speak up for oneself.

I want to encourage teachers who work doing hard work day in and day out with students, to be mindful of making it challenging academically while also doing as much as possible to support their students bodies.

I want to be at a school that can get my academic needs and have more compassion for my body. I have not formulated the secret to my success in school yet, but the only amazing person who has had to make the hard decisions around my education is my mom who is always fighting to find a way for me to make a difference.

Many autistics who are non speaking do not get the education they deserve because having no tool to be able to access to demonstrate their understanding leaves them with no way to show knowledge. I was always misunderstood.

Daring to believe in your autistic and non-speaking students is hard to do, but it is absolutely necessary.

Make my day and listen to me please!

Putting your fears to the side, each day is an opportunity. Believe in what I am asking of you and it will let you feel the kindness of one another. You are the only one with the power to change your thinking and make a stand for non-speaking autistics everywhere.

 

Weary and exhausted by my autism each day.

Autism is not going to step in my way.

Each second the autistic mind hungers for more.

I am never going to let them close the intelligence door.

Raging and trapped like a prisoner in her cell.

Then suddenly I was able to spell.

The loneliness diminished

Faded into the abyss of troubles past.

An amazing adventure racing toward me at last.

People talk about me behind my back.

Wondering the entire time if it’s intelligence I lack.

I want to scream, “You hard nosed imbeciles.”

Then I tell myself, “Justice takes a while.”

Can I make my way with the thinking that prevails today?

This is what I want to say:

Imbeciles are like lovers in the dark,

but I will not let them steal my passion and my spark.

I am the girl who will put others to their best and show them who is the queen.

My work will have an impact like no one has ever seen.

Work and play are both so tough for me,

but I will find my way to the light in the awesome knowledge sea.

I am always invisible
My body beats to its own drum and always steals the show
My amazing mind becomes its victim
Days are spent being caged like an animal
I am always invisible

The great educational experiment of my life is about to begin .
This is so exciting and nerve wracking too. I want to be included.  The school gets to have my uniqueness and I get to have a chance .

Working and making really good grades is one of my goals .
My other goal is to be friends with many other students.
I know this will not be easy but I am determined .

Education in a school setting has never been great for me .
I am grateful to Northwestern . They are doing more for me than they will ever know because they see past my body.

All of my dreams are coming true .