Finding the way through life as an autistic takes time. When I think about my life with autism so many different emotions emerge. The first emotion is hard to define because no word exists to give us the sense of this emotion. Having ways to talk about feelings makes life easier, but having no words for this hard feeling has been tough. The feeling feels great and bad at the same time. With being autistic there has been so much that has been hard to handle but there is also much that I love about my mind that I think is due to my autism. Having to live between these two dichotomies is not easy.
Most days I have to try to really work hard to stay focused on the positive parts of being awesomely autistic. If only others could see the awesomeness that is such a huge part of me, the life I’m living would be so much better. But the reality is that other people find it hard to look past my tormented body and do not get the opportunity to engage with the real me. I am,therefore, worth nothing to many. When this is the daily thought that runs through your mind it’s challenging to stay positive.
When being so misunderstood the thing that frees me from my worries is great academic work that makes me become more regulated and helps me share my intelligence. Many days it is becoming tough because the ideas that I want to share with the world are not getting out because the work that I need to do to get them out is daunting. Being in my body is many days too upsetting. Live like me for a few minutes and you would think that you had been given the worst life. Having to save your pride from getting the share of people’s stares is not so simple.
Autism is not all bad though. Autism is a lot of the reason why I have a lot of the amazing intelligence that I have. Life with a mind like mine is not dull! A lot of the makings of my intelligence can be traced back to the amazing mom I have who always had me interested and involved in the world. Can you have the best being on the planet on your side without being enriched? Are these things embarrassing to you, mom?
Getting the world view that all of us are equal has given me the feeling that I matter! We should all have the sense that getting treated as the humans that we are always takes precedent.
A lot of the things that are the hardest for me are so easy for others. For example having the ability to talk to another person comes so easily to most but it is almost impossible for me. Another thing that is not easy for me is getting my body coordinated and strong enough to make my athletic dreams come true. A lot of the challenges I must overcome so that I can reach my goals are massive to me. But we must all try to face the things that hold us back. The things that I have accomplished with the right support have been incredible! The future is going to be so much brighter because I can access my words through pointing to letters in order to get out my intelligence and my ideas.
Open your minds to the awesome things I have to share and I think that life will be a lot better for all of us.